My Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future
It’s the holiday gift-giving season, and this year seems somehow to be special, at least for me. Where as, in the past, I had always found myself to be somewhat of a Scrooge, this year I have gone to some lengths to produce special gifts for several of my friends, and I seem to have, on at least some level, embraced the “spirit” of the holiday. Although this change in me is somewhat remarkable, it is also quite subtle, but by no means is it fully encompassing of the traditions of the season (Christmas music still makes me feel violent). It is however a reflection of some positive changes.
In past years my distain was for the rampant commercialism surrounding the whole gift-giving tradition. “This Christmas, show her how much you really love her…buy her a diamond.” Your family deserves the new 52” plasma TV with ambi-light in their home!” “Buy your loved one the new Jaguar.” Yeah, right. If I actually had the means to afford such extravagant gifts, the last thing I would do is spend it on crap like that. But the fact is, I don’t have anything like that kind of money, and in fact I have had so little money that throughout the years I would find endless imaginative ways to withdraw from the holiday completely in order to avoid the embarrassment of not being able to afford to buy any gifts. I dreaded receiving gifts too, because it made me feel like I owed a debt I could not repay, being that I was unable (or just unwilling) to reciprocate.
But this year is different. Although I still don’t have any money I have been giving gifts. I spent dozens of late night hours making custom compilation mix CDs of great music to share with my friends. I’ve even given out some copies of my own music. I’ve tailor made several collections. Many of my friends receiving these gifts were indeed very pleased, and seemed to appreciate the personal attention that went into producing them.
What has sparked this change in me is no doubt my shift, over the past couple of years, from a distant, distracted, and thoroughly spaced out dope head to a thoughtful and lucid contributing member of my social circles. Several dear friends have commented on their perception of this change. And as if through some covert conspiracy, for gifts this year, almost every one of my closest friends gave me books to read. So many, in fact, that I will no doubt still be reading them come next Christmas.
In past years my distain was for the rampant commercialism surrounding the whole gift-giving tradition. “This Christmas, show her how much you really love her…buy her a diamond.” Your family deserves the new 52” plasma TV with ambi-light in their home!” “Buy your loved one the new Jaguar.” Yeah, right. If I actually had the means to afford such extravagant gifts, the last thing I would do is spend it on crap like that. But the fact is, I don’t have anything like that kind of money, and in fact I have had so little money that throughout the years I would find endless imaginative ways to withdraw from the holiday completely in order to avoid the embarrassment of not being able to afford to buy any gifts. I dreaded receiving gifts too, because it made me feel like I owed a debt I could not repay, being that I was unable (or just unwilling) to reciprocate.
But this year is different. Although I still don’t have any money I have been giving gifts. I spent dozens of late night hours making custom compilation mix CDs of great music to share with my friends. I’ve even given out some copies of my own music. I’ve tailor made several collections. Many of my friends receiving these gifts were indeed very pleased, and seemed to appreciate the personal attention that went into producing them.
What has sparked this change in me is no doubt my shift, over the past couple of years, from a distant, distracted, and thoroughly spaced out dope head to a thoughtful and lucid contributing member of my social circles. Several dear friends have commented on their perception of this change. And as if through some covert conspiracy, for gifts this year, almost every one of my closest friends gave me books to read. So many, in fact, that I will no doubt still be reading them come next Christmas.
posted by Umour Ritual Specialists at 1:01 PM
1 Comments:
I totally understand this. In fact, I think giving gifts when we don't have money forces us to create something special, with thought in it...it forces us to be really 'present' through our gift. Money let's us "phone it in", and even though the gift-receiver might be happy, no real human interaction has occurred.
Indeed, I think the best gift I gave this year were cheap Yu-Gi-Oh cards to my son, which I hand-selected based on the "needs" of his deck. All the other higher-priced items I gave didn't have the 'umph' that this little gift to my son had.
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